Domestic Violence and Children
RESOURCES*
Children's Books:
A Family That Fights , by Sharon Bernstein. Morton Grove , IL : Albert Whitman and Co. An 8-year old boy and his two younger siblings live in a home where the father abuses the mother (picture book with illustrations in pencil, 4 – 12 years). This book helps open discussion and create an environment where children feel safe sharing their experiences.
A Safe Place , by Maxine Trotter. Morton Grove , IL : Albert Whitman and Co. Written for use with 3 – 10 year olds. The book (picture book with black and white drawings with multiracial characters) tells the story of Emily and her experience at a shelter. This book would be especially helpful with children who will be going to a shelter or have just arrived at a shelter.
A Terrible Thing Happened, by Margaret M. Holmes, Washington , DC : American Psychological Association (800) 374-2721. This book can be used with 4 – 8 year olds to help them talk about and understand their terrible thing. This gentle book is written in a very open ended way and talks about the problems a traumatized child might experience. The book can be used to process any event such as a car accident, domestic or school violence, suicide or a natural disaster such as a tornado, flood or fire.
Clover's Secret , by Christine Winn and David Walsh, Ph. D. Minn, MN: Fairview Press (800) 544-8207. In an imaginary land where people can fly, two girls form a friendship that helps one of them deal with the problems she faces at home (picture book with colored pencil illustrations, 4 – 13 years). This book can be used to talk to children about their friendships, which can contribute to resiliency.
The Dragon and the Mouse , by Steven Timm. Largo , ND: Touchstone Enterprises; (701) 237-4742. A mouse lives with a dragon who is abusive to him emotionally, physically, mentally and socially. In the end, the mouse leaves the living arrangement, but continues to be friends with the dragon (picture book with vivid illustrations, 4 – 13 years). This book may be useful, but it is important to note that abuse (domestic violence) does not stop when someone leaves a relationship. In fact, in many cases abuse intensifies after a woman leaves or attempts to leave the relationship.
I Love My Dad But . . . by Leslie Wright. Toronto , Ontario : Is Five Press. This workbook is for children from preschool through second or third grade. It deals well with the ambivalence children feel toward their father when living in a home where there is domestic violence. It also looks at safety issues and has a good introduction for adults using it with children.
I Wish the Hitting Would Stop , by Susan Patterson, M.S. Fargo , ND : Red Flag Green Flag Resources: (800) 627-3675. A workbook written for working with children (ages 6 – 14) living in homes where there is domestic violence. Each page of the 28-page workbook presents the child's worries, concerns and fears. It also addresses safety planning. The workbook is appropriate for group settings or one-on-one sessions. Available in Spanish and English. A facilitators guide is also available.
Living with My Family: A Growth and Recovery Workbook for Children , by Wendy Deaton, M.A. and Kendall Johnson, Ph D. Alameda , CA : Hunter House Inc. (800) 266-5592. This workbook (ages 6 to 11) is useful in working children who have witnessed domestic violence. It helps children express painful memories. Exercises are intended to help establish a relationship; help the child evaluate the context of the violent event; address the child's feelings and reactions, explore coping strategies; and integrate the experience through a series of strength building techniques.
Mommy and Daddy are Fighting , by Susan Paris and Gail Labinski. Seattle , WA : Seal Press: (206) 283-7844. Three young sisters build a fort of blankets and huddle together to cope with their father's abuse against their mother (picture book with washed illustrations, 4 – 8 years). This book could help children identify and build upon the potential strengths of their relationship with a sibling. Sibling relationships can play a compensatory role in helping children cope with trauma.
The Peace Path by Lisa Marie Barden. (800) 648-8857. A game for children (ages 5 to 15) to be used to teach children how to deal with domestic violence in a safe and peaceful way. The game not only teaches alternatives to violent behavior but also addresses the more immediate issue of what the child should do at the time violence occurs. Focusing on four different settings – home, shelter, school, and relative's house – it helps children learn to plan for their own safety, use assertiveness to solve problems, express their feelings, and raise their self-esteem. As with the book The Words Hurt , it is important to tell children that it is not always safe to share feelings assertively with others. Assertiveness skills can potentially increase danger for children.
Salad for 20 by Anna Garcia Steiner. Concord , CA : Battered Women's Alternatives: (510) 676-2845. This is an inexpensive, colorful 20 page picture book for children ages 4 – 10. It is an introduction to what happens in a shelter. It has been used by domestic violence response team advocates when intervening with children seen with their mothers in home or hospital settings.
Something is Wrong at My House , by Diane Davis. Seattle , WA : Parenting Press: (800) 992-6657. A boy tells about the violence in his home and how it affects him. For younger children, you can read the text below the illustrations. Includes advice for children on coping (3 – 12 years). This book helps when talking with children about community resources and how to ask for help. Also available in Spanish.
When Something Terrible Happens , by Marge Heegaard. Minn , MN: Woodland Press: (612) 926-2665. A workbook to help children (ages 6 – 12) who have experienced loss and/or victimization through natural disaster or human violence. This book can be used individually or with a group of children facilitated by someone prepared to understand the specific trauma, accept the feelings and gently encourage verbal communication. It will help the child review the event, discover misconceptions, such as, they are responsible for the event, and will promote healthy coping skills.
The Words Hurt , by Chris Loftis. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press. Although Greg's dad never physically hurt anyone, he yelled things that often made the people around him feel terrible. Greg tells his father about his sad and hurt feelings. This book can help to address the important subject of verbal abuse. However, it is important to tell children that it is not always safe to share feelings assertively with others. Assertiveness skills can potentially increase danger for children.
Books For Children in Spanish:
Aaron va al albergue (Aaron Goes to the Shelter) , Phyllis Nasta. A story for children about abuse, placement and protective services.
Cuidate a ti mismo (Take Care of Yourself), Laurie White and Steven Spencer. A guite for children to help them understand, prevent and recover from abuse.
KIDSRIGHTS, 10100 Park Cedar Drive , Charlotte , NC 28210 , 1-800-892-KIDS.
El problema con los secretos (The Trouble with Secrets) , Karen Johnsen.
Algo anda mal en mi casa (Something Is Wrong at My House) Diane Davis. A book about parent's fighting.
Mi cuerpo es mio (My Body Is Mine) , Lory Freeman. A book to teach young children how to resist uncomfortable touch.
Algo paso y me da miedo decirlo (Something Happened and I'm Scared to Tell) , Patricia Kehoe. A book for young victims of abuse.
Parenting Press, Inc., P.O. Box 75267 , Seattle , WA 98125
Deseo Que Los Golpes Paren (I Wish the Hitting Would Stop) , Susan Patterson. A workbook for children living in violence homes. Red Flag Green Flag Resources, Rape and Abuse Crisis Center , Box 2984 , Fargo , ND 58108 .
Mi mama y yo nos hacemos fuertes (My Mother and I Are Growing Strong) , Sandy Speidel. A mother and her daughter working, waiting and growing while the father is in prison. Volcano Press, P.O. 270, Volcano , CA 95689 .
El nino de cabeza (The Upside Down Boy) , Juan Felipe Herrera. Story of the cultural confusion a child experiences when his migrant family settled down so that he could go to school for the first time
Amigos del otro lado (Friends from the Other Side) , Gloria Anzaldua. Story of two friends, one of whom is an undocumented immigrant, and the fears and experiences they have.
Children's Book Press, 246 First Street, Suite 101 , San Francisco , CA 94105 .
Franklin se pierde ( Franklin Gets Lost) , Franklin tiene un mal dia ( Franklin Has a Bad Day) , and many other titles, Paulette Bourgeois and Brenda Clark. A series of books on various life experiences of a turtle and his friends. Lectorum Publications, Inc.
Alexander y el dia terrible, horrible, espantoso, horroroso (Alexander and the Terrible , Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day) and other Alexander books, Judith Viorst. Libros Colibri, Simon and Schuster, 1230 Avenue of the Americas , New York , NY 10020 .
Hicklbees and Barnes and Noble have fairly large sections of books in Spanish. The Alexander and Franklin books are available there.
Therapeutic Games:
Nurturing Game , learning about caring for oneself and others, bilingual English/Spanish Edition. For children three years old and older. Very popular in our drama therapy groups. Family Development Resources, Inc. 3160 Pinebrook Road , Park City . UT 84098, 1-800-688-5822.
Maquina del monstruo enojado/The Angry Monster Machine , a game to teach children how to express anger, in Spanish or English. For children ages 5 to 10. We had a great time with this game at our staff meeting. Childswork/Childsplay, 1-800-962-1141.
Emotional Bingo , a game that helps children identify feelings, bilingual English/Spanish. For children ages 6 to 12. Can be played with large groups of children. We encourage cooperative play so by the end of the games everyone wins at least once. Western Psychological Services, 1 800-648-8857.
El juego del magico mapa de los sentimientos/The Magic Map of Feelings , a game to help children learn and share about their feelings in a fun, creative way, bilingual English/Spanish. For children ages 6 and up. Peak Potential, Box 1461 , Loveland CO 80539-1461 .
For Adults Working With Children:
The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics , Lundy Bancroft, Jay G. Silverman, Sage. This book describes how domestic violence affects each relationship in a family and explains how children's emotional recovery is inextricably linked to the healing and empowerment of their mothers.
Breaking the Silence: Art Therapy with Children from Violent Homes , by Cathy Malchiodi, M.A., A.T.R. (800) 648-8857. Children from violent homes need to be heard. Unable or unwilling to verbalize their suffering, these children are often immobilized by fear, rage, guilt and pain. This book demonstrates the unique power of art therapy to help treat children from violent backgrounds. It describes the intervention process from intake to termination, noting the complex issues involved at various levels of evaluation and interpretation. Included are 95 drawings by children.
Children Exposed to Domestic Violence: Current Issues in Research, Intervention, Prevention, and Policy Development, edited by Robert A Geffner, Peter G. Jaffe, Marlies Sudermann; Haworth Maltreatment & Trauma Press, New York . Current research, intervention, prevention and policy development by national and international experts.
Children Exposed to Marital Violence: Theory, Research, and Applied Issues , edited by George W. Holden, Robert Geffner, Ernest N. Jouriles, American Psychological Association, Washington D.C. This book examines the research on this topic and analyzes the complex interactions that determine children's outcomes after their exposure to domestic violence.
Ending the Cycle of Violence: Community Responses to Children of Battered Women , Einat Peled, Peter G. Jaffe and Jeffrey L. Edleson editors. Thousand Oaks , CA : Sage Publications. (805) 499-9774. The book begins with a discussion on living in a violent culture, and covers the many aspects of intervention with children of battered women. It provides a survey of current practice including strategies and program models. The writers present a succinct look into three major areas: shelter and domestic violence counseling, child protection services and the criminal justice system, and prevention and education in schools and communities.
Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Roots of Violence, Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley. This book presents evidence that violent behavior is linked to abuse and neglect in the first two years of life when foundations for trust, empathy, conscience, and learning are developed.
Groupwork with Children of Battered Women: A Practitioner's Manual , Einat Peled and Diane Davis. Thousand Oaks , CA : Sage Publications.
(805) 499-9774. This book provides practitioners with the required knowledge and direction to successfully operate a group program for children (ages 4 – 12) of battered women and a concurrent group for parents. The manual is based on the accumulated experience of the Domestic Abuse Project (DAP) of Minneapolis , and on the results of a three-year qualitative evaluation.
The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children, booklet put out by the American Bar Association Service Center . 750 North Lake Shore Drive , Chicago , ILL 60611 . $6.00. Specify order reference number 549-0248.
Silent Screams and Hidden Cries: An interpretation of Artwork by Children from Violent Homes, Agnes Wohl and Bobbie Kaufman, New York, NY: Burner/Mazel Publishers, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003. This book presents the first study of drawings of elementary-school-age children who have lived with domestic violence and who in many cases have themselves been victims of violence. The book presents 50 drawings of human figures, families, trees, and houses produced over a two-year period by 18 children. All of the drawings project the children's serious emotional distress, feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, fragmentation, depression and anxiety.
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse , Lundy Bancroft, New York , G.P. Putnam's Sons. The author reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate their children, what children learn from this behavior, and how mothers can protect their children and help them recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.
Books for Teens and the Adults Working with Them:
Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger, Barrie Levy. Seattle , WA : Seal Press. (800) 754-0271. Includes first-hand stories from teens in abusive relationships as wall as research information on dating violence.
Helping Teens Stop Violence: A Practical Guide for Counselors, Educators, and Parents , Allan Creighton with Paul Kivel. Alameda , CA : Hunter House (800) 266-5592. This book offers proactive, multicultural approach for getting at the roots of violent behavior. It includes activities and workshops that explore how violence manifests in families and dating; how issues of race, gender, and age are involved; and how teens can work to stop the violence in their lives, It includes curricula for classrooms and support groups, and strategies to support peer counselors and help abused teens.
In Love and In Danger: A Teens Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships , Barrie Levy. Seattle , WA : Seal Press. (800) 754-0271. This book gives teens the courage to bring a potentially harmful situation out into the open, end the cycle of abuse, and forge the way for healthy and loving relationships.
Making the Peace, Paul Kivel and Allan Creighton. Alameda , CA : Hunter House. (800) 266-5592. A 15-session violence prevention curriculum for young people. This is a school-based curriculum to help young people break away from violence, develop self-esteem and regain a sense of community. Classroom discussions and assignments explore such crucial issues as dating violence, male-male fights, interracial tension, suicide, guns and sexual harassment.
What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence, Barrie Levy and Patricia Occhiuzzo Giggans. Seattle , WA : Seal Press. (800) 754-0271. This book gives straightforward advice to parents on how to recognize the warning signs of dating violence, understand the dynamics of abuse, strengthen communication and minimize power struggles, and develop safety plans with teens to avoid potentially dangerous situations.
* Adapted from the Santa Clara County Domestic Violence Council
